A Different Freshman Year
Over the course of several hours, Andy shared his thoughts on his first season as a member of the Wisconsin Badgers men's basketball team. This column is the result of those conversations.
Most of you know the headlines, some of you know the story, but I want you all to know me.
We Europeans have this thought about college basketball players that they jump on every shot fake and they want to make all of the highlight plays.
I’m not saying that I’m a smarter player, but I look at what I get and what the defender gives me rather than saying that on the next possession I’m going to do X because if the defender is closing off X, you won’t be successful unless you’re open to using Y or Z.
When I committed to the University of Wisconsin to play basketball for the Badgers, my “X” was that I was going to play basketball here for four seasons and see lots of playing time.
Before I could even step foot onto the court, however, the NCAA closed off my “X.”
• THE SUSPENSION •
On November 17, as my team prepared to face North Dakota, I prepared to face my fate. I knew that the NCAA would tell me something before the game as to whether or not I would be eligible to play this season, so that was on my mind all day.
I thought I was going to be cleared to play because everyone had put so much effort into it – not only Coach Close, but also people from the department. I met with them weekly about giving them papers to send to the NCAA. I felt pretty positive about it because of all of our work, but also because of other cases similar to mine where guys got cleared to play.
As I was walking from the court to the locker room after warm-ups, Coach Close pulled me aside and told me that I was ineligible to play. I also got an email from the department detailing the decision. When I found out that I was ineligible, I was naturally disappointed and saddened.
Of course everyone was going crazy with the media talking and writing and people from home texting me. It made me think about it more because I just wanted to not think about it and watch the game, but I was forced to think about it all the time.
I thought for a minute ‘sh*t, this is kind of messed up.’
But then I stopped.
I really had just that one minute where I was down on myself about it. After that, I was thinking that it didn’t make sense to get down about it because I was wasting time to get better.
So, that same night after the game, I was working out and wanting to prepare myself for next year. I knew I had to get ready; I had to get better; and that process began now.
• MY OWN SCHEDULE •
Coach Close told me that I have to use this year to make myself better. I have to be the first one in and the last one out. I developed an adjusted workout schedule with our head trainer Erik Helland where I was lifting more and lifting harder than the other guys.
Working in the weight room and gaining weight has been fun and it makes a huge difference. I feel a lot stronger and I feel more confident because I’ve seen the results that come with being bigger. I never would have guessed that I would gain almost 20 pounds in just five months of being here.
As a result of my suspension, my role on the team and my schedule is different from virtually everyone else’s.
On game days I always lift in the morning with Matt Ferris, Brevin Pritzl, and Jackson Bax. Then I go through the routine with the big guys pregame using the medicine ball. Obviously I have to be the one out there who goes the hardest because they have a game and I don’t. I have to treat that warm-up routine like my game.
In the beginning it was very upsetting. We would go back into the locker room after warm-ups and my teammates would all get ready for the game and I would just shower and change into sweats. That’s kind of boring.
I want to play so bad. I want to show people what I can do. I want to help the team win.
During a game it’s hard – especially at home – because I see a lot of stuff where I think that I can do this or I can do that. I sometimes see things other people don’t see, and of course from the bench you often see more than from the court, but I feel like I could really help the team a lot more by being out there on the court.
But instead, my help is limited to the practice court. I’m trying to help the team just by going hard everyday on the scout team to prepare them as well as possible for the game.
Honestly, the last couple of weeks have been hard being on the scout team.
It’s frustrating in practice sometimes seeing what the guys on the first team are doing and sometimes they don’t understand something. I think to myself ‘okay, I could do this easily.’ Maybe I couldn’t, and maybe I’m not there yet physically, but I recognize a lot of things that a lot of other guys don’t.
But on the other hand, maybe it’s good for me to sit out because right now I have no pressure to perform and can focus on getting better. I mean, you always want the pressure because that’s how you perform better, and while I put pressure on myself, the outside pressure is a different type of fuel and motivation.
Regardless, the reality is that when I’m at practice, that’s when I feel like I’m a part of the team the most.
Because I don’t travel with the team, I miss out on a lot of team bonding. At first I was like ‘okay, what am I going to do all day? What am I going to do when no one is here?’
People sometimes come up to me and ask me why I’m not traveling with the team when there’s a road game that day and I’m still in Madison. I just tell them that I’m suspended and I’m not allowed to travel.
They say, ‘oh I feel bad for you.’
While I appreciate the support, I don’t want people feeling bad for me. I am a competitive and driven person, and feeling sorry for myself is not a part of who I am.
So, after maybe the first two or three road games, I decided to just dedicate myself, and workout as much as possible.
Immediately before away games, I go to the Kohl Center to shoot around, get treatment on my body, workout, and shoot some more. When the game starts, I typically either watch in the locker room with some managers who aren’t traveling, or I watch in my apartment on my computer.
And while I’ve spent half a season watching my teammates travel to cool places like New York City, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s better for me not to travel, even though that’s not the right thing to say.
There are certain advantages of not traveling, though, because now I don’t miss any classes and I get to spend more time on schoolwork. Maybe it’s better for me to stay here so I can go to the weight room, be on my own for a little bit, and go to school.
• I FELT LIKE AN OUTCAST •
People tend to forget that it’s still different going to college here and not being at home in Belgium. It’s still a big transition and I’m still adjusting to that.
Up until two weeks ago, I was living in a freshman dorm with a member of the swim team while everyone else on our team was living together. I missed out on a lot of team bonding. I felt like an outcast.
But now I’ve moved in with Ethan Happ and Vitto Brown and it’s been great. Before, I only saw those guys when I was at a practice or a game, whereas now it’s a lot better living with them because I get to bond with them away from the court. By doing that, I get to know things about them like what type of girls they like, what video games they play, and if they do their homework.
• MOTIVATION FROM HOME •
Between us, a lot of people back at home asked me why I’m still at Wisconsin even though I can’t play this year.
I told them that even though I can’t play, what I’m learning and what I’m doing here in Madison can’t be duplicated. I wouldn’t be working out the way I am; I wouldn’t be practicing as much as I am; I wouldn’t be learning about the game as much as I am.
I couldn’t replicate this experience.
Going home for a week over Christmas break was really good for me. As I mentioned, I was getting frustrated by being on the scout team and not playing as well as I could. Being at home for a week, and being back home with friends and family motivated me.
I mean, I was always motivated, but that extra motivation really helped. It reminded me that I came here for a reason. I didn’t leave my friends and family at home for nothing, so I’m going to make the best of this.
After my suspension, I could have gone back to play in Belgium though, I really could have. Once I left, the team president in Belgium told me that whenever I wanted to come back, I had a place on the team. He told me my place would be ready. Even when I was back in Belgium over Christmas, I saw him at a game I went to and he came up to me and told me that if I wanted to come back next week then I could.
He wants me back, but I don’t want to go back. I’m happy with things over here, even though I’m not playing. Also, I just couldn’t do it to the school, to the people. I love it here.
I made a commitment to this university, to this team, and to my teammates. If I left, I would’ve been abandoning the guys that I made a commitment to. I just didn’t want to do that.
• THE FUTURE •
I think I would’ve been able to play this season, but maybe not as much as I would have liked, so that would have been frustrating as well. Sitting out right now is kind of like me being held back as a secret and me working hard in the weight room and in practice will allow for me to show everyone what I’ve got next year.
I want to show people that I got better. That I didn’t give in. That I didn’t give up. That I got stronger. I know I can do good things; I’m just looking for the opportunity.
I want to start, I think I can start, and I want to play a lot of minutes because I know what I’m capable of. And in 1-2 years, once I become a sophomore or a junior, I definitely want to be a leader on this team. I want to win a championship.
It’s not like I have in my mind that I am looking to average 20 and 10 or to shoot 45 percent from the field. I don’t think about numbers. I just want to dominate and help my team win. That’s really big to me.
Obviously this season we haven’t won that much yet and we’ve struggled, but we’ve kept working and our efforts are beginning to pay off. I know I’m capable of doing big things and helping the team win, so next year my main goal is to help this team reach even greater heights.
The whole time, throughout all of this stuff about sitting out, I never felt sorry for myself; I just wanted to work as hard as possible.
Seeing results from it, like gaining weight, motivates me a lot to keep going, keep going, keep going…
And I can’t wait to see where we go together.
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